So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
