You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
