My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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