Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
