And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
