I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
