We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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