I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
