don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
