I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize