dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
