I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize