i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you inspire me to be a worse person
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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