: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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