wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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