Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
