Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
