I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
