Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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