I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
