I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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