Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
