i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
