Quick, to the slutcave!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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