then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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