SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
