yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
