This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
