You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
