i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
