i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
