she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
