btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
