I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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