I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
