My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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