I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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