so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
