i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
