whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
