i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
