you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
