There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
