A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
As shirtless as possible
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
