can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
