The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
