i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
