I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
