there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
