I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
