I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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