You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
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