I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he puts the penis in happiness.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
