you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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