We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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