Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
