I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
