What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
