i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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