i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Found your dick twin last night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just blew my weed a kiss
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
