its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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