you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
