we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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