Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
