You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
