life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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