I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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