Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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