As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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