He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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