You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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