Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
