All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
