I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
