This house was built for laser tag.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize