We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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