and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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