He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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