i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
