A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
