I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
