he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
